i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
