Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
