I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
