We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
