I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
