Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
