did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
