I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Shame - the story of my life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
