remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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