but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
mondays should just be called national damage control day
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
