I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
