His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
