I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize