Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
