I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
