if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
