she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
