anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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