I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
