So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
