He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
