he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
