I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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