he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
