so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Randomize
