I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
