The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Every concussion has its silver lining
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
