If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
