Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
