remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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