Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
