I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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