forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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