omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
