the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
