I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
