he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
