this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
