Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
