i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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