I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
