sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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