Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
