So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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