I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
