now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
