apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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