Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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