Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it glows. i had to have it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
