You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
