Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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