I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
