it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
