I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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