I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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