the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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