I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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