Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
