My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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