do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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