Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
