Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just gift wrapped bread.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have aggressive nipples.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
