Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We got so high we made milksteak
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
