Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
