My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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