Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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