I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
