Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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