i need an iv and a liver transplant
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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