Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
