I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize