Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
A+ Viking dick
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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