Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
