just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
