My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize