Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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